Surgery #2

Well surgery number 2 came a little faster than we had thought. Bailey was great and had 10 seizures on her grids by Monday afternoon. That was awesome news!! The bad or not so great news was where the seizures were coming from. We were told Bailey's seizures were between the frontal and temporal lobe but in fact when the grids were down and everything was mapped out it was almost behind her left eye. So everything was frontal. There was an area of her brain that did not have any grids on it because they did not predict this was the area that was a problem. So Monday night at 5:30 Jared and I were faced with three options. Now I had not planned for this and my decision making is horrible especially in a time like this when you are stressed, no sleep for about 7 days and no knowledge of what any of the brain does. So with that said there Jared and I sat listening to the specialist who had to bring in another specialist because he was so unsure of what the right answer was.
1st choice: take out a small area od Baileys frontal lobe where we think the seizures are starting.
2nd choice: do another surgery to place more grids on her frontal area that was in question and wait for more information and then have a third surgery.
3rd choice: remove the area in question plus the small area where we think is the start of her seizures.
Those were our options. No black and white answer!!!! No this is what will cure your little one!!! "no there is it, I found the bad spot". All words I had been praying for night after night. As if that was not hard enough our team of doctors who we LOVE all had a different idea of what they thought was the right thing to do. One said just go small, the other wanted to do more grids and the surgeon wanted to take the larger portion. We sat in our room for over an hour with our doctors talking about these options and when it was all said and done Jared and I made the decision to take the smaller and larger area and not place any more grids. The surgeon had told us that the success rate in the frontal lobe is not as great as in the temporal area. Also he said that in the past to see much success in this area you need to take out larger areas. So it was set at 730pm Monday night we made the decision to take out a large portion of our daughters BRAIN. I don't think one can even comprehend making a decision like that it was just a blur. I felt sick about what all this meant for Bailey. This area of the Brain they were removing is her personality, her reasoning, judgement, aggression and then we were looking at getting into her speech. The doctors tried to assure us that all of these things reroute themselves and that she should do great with very little side effects when it is all said and done. So that night we kissed our baby, listened to every word like it might be the last for awhile and at 11:30 feel asleep. Tuesday morning came fast and I don't think I will ever forget this day and the sick feeling I had giving my baby to the doctor so he can remove her frontal lobe. As I watched the doctor walk away with her and the OR doors slowly shut I lost the little composure I had left. I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my life. The thought of "oh my god what did we just do" ran through my head like crazy. There was no comfort at that moment and still 19 hours later i still feel the same way!! what did we do????? I hope come morning Bailey will be back to Bailey. And all this worry can be set aside for a moment. I would give anything to her mommy or daddy or even chewy! I know her speech will come. If not tomorrow maybe the next or we might just have to be patient (something I struggle with) but it will come back. And if anyone knows our family we do talk a lot so I have a feeling it will come back fast. I can't wait to be out of the ICU and back to our room, then to eat,poop, walk and go home!! Yeah home sounds so nice. Thank you to everyone who is praying,thinking of Bailey, and saying so many positive things. It does help to hear all of the support and to know we are not going through this alone. We also have amazing family. I don't think I would have been able to make these decisions or get through any of this without my mom, dad and sister!! I know Jared feels the same support from his family as well. They truly are so strong and have helped hold us together! I am positive that my next blog will be one with happy,amazing,great News!!! Oh and I am blogging from Phil's IPAD and It's 4:10am so it might no be perfect. Thanks for understanding!