I have the hardest time making a decision on what we are going to have for dinner. This making a decision about going to Cleveland, well I am stuck. So far this morning I have called the team. Margo, Dr. Filloux, Cleveland nurses and then another mother who has a son dealing with Epilepsy that had the same surgery as Bailey. Deep down I think we need to go, but I am not sure if there is much they can do... and is Bailey really having enough seizures right now to go. We were used to seizures all day long, now they come at night time and only about one a week during her awake times. Is this enough?? Can we do anything else that might work? Don't get me wrong. I am not sitting here saying all hope is lost, but I also don't want to keep running test for them to tell me the same thing. I have felt so panicked the last few weeks. Really ever since our last appt. with the Dr. I feel the reality of Bailey living with these seizures daily is something that we need to start embracing. What will life be like for Bailey? To see her everyday you don't think much is wrong. She walks, talks, runs and gets into a lot of trouble!! She is out of diapers too! Life is not all bad...I feel like things get better and better until I step out of my bubble into the real world and try to put Bailey is a class with her own peers. She is no where close to those kids. I hate that! I hate that today when she is only three, how is it going to feel when she is 10 or trying to do everything her little friends do. People say to never treat her different than your other kids or tell her she can't do something. But she is different and she can't do certain things. So how do I do that? Again I am panicked! We will figure this out, but its hard right now to take a deep breath and just relax. Hopefully some of my calls will be returned today and maybe they can point me to the next step.....or do we just wait until things get worse. Maybe having a few seizures at night is not all bad and I should feel lucky they are only at night and not when she is awake.